What Should I do

My life is in disarray
It is coming apart at the seams
Creating doubt, anxiety and depression
Thoughts of checking out
Packing and leaving
Starting over
On my own
With no help
Could I survive?
With no income,
No home,
No job,
No friends
This is not an option
Would I feel as lonely
As I do now?

My life is in disarray
I am not a happy camper
When was I ever happy?
Probably my wedding day
But that was so long ago
That I forget what it feels like

I am not happy
What should I do?

©Phil Renaud 2019

Blue sky w-sea

 

Imagination

Flying high
Soaring above the clouds
Into the wild blue beyond
My imagination
Takes me there

Swimming in the ocean
Diving deep
Seeing funky fish
My imagination
Takes me there

In the deep forest
Smelling the fresh rainfall
Adoring the pretty plants
My imagination
Takes me there

My imagination
Is a beautiful thing
A God given gift
To enable travel
Without leaving home

Thank you Lord
For this great gift

Phil Renaud 2019

Whirling and Twirling

My mind is racing
Thoughts are whirling and twirling
In my head
Why won’t they stop
And let my mind rest

Thoughts about
Retirement, relationships,
Poetry, running,
Work
Are all jumbled in my head
Whirling and twirling
Why won’t they stop
And let my mind rest

These thoughts
Cause anxiety
And depression
The whirling and twirling
Never ceases
Why won’t they stop
And let my mind rest
Someday…

Someday the whirling and twirling
Will stop
Yet I do not look forward
To that day
Yes, the anxiety and depression
Will cease to exist
And I will too

©Phil Renaud 2019

Lost and Alone

Friends and relatives are strangers
My life has no meaning
Floating on a sea of despair
It overwhelms me
I am sinking
Drowning in misery

Depression is my friend
It rules my being
Despair and misery massage
The depression
Letting it flow
To overtake my existence

The black hole
Gets deeper and deeper
Every time it happens
Making the slope
Slipperier and steeper
And harder to climb

Someday
Depression, misery and despair
Will take over my mind
And I will truly be
Lost and alone

© Phil Renaud 2019

Technology

Technology

This is an experiment
I’m using my phone
To write a poem
Or should I say dictate a poem
It’s off the top of my head
So it may not be worth
Any bread
But it seems to be working
It’s kind of cool
But does that make me a fool
Using this tool

Copyright Phil Renaud 2018

Dictated to cell phone for MeWe site

Feelings

Feelings

Life has been getting me down lately
There have been upheavals
That have affected me greatly
These little life evils

I need to find a peaceful spot
That I can go to
To find my lot
And not be so blue

But why I ask
Do I want to bask
In glory and happiness
Instead of crappiness
When my mantra is “I don’t care”

Is it because Christmas is in the air
Mellowing the feelings of being hopeless
And soulless

Maybe the mantra of “I don’t care”
Is a façade
Making me a fraud
Because I really do care

© Phil Renaud 2018